Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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