I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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