new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
