so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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