'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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