My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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