Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
