You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
