All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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