I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize