Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
