It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
