he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I will be naked everywhere
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
