i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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