haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
