Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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