I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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