U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
