They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
