The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
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