can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
