my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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