Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
