That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
