whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
