Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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