He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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