You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
