She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
