i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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