Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
