I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
