she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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