How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
