He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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