if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
