Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The air was thick with penises
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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