Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
