goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Of course I have a pirate flag
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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