Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
