some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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