So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
