Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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