you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
