So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
