this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
