Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
