I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
