D3 body, D1 cock
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
