I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
