WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
3 2 1 whiskey
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize