Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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