I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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