just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
