Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
