matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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