I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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