Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
