Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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