I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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