fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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