I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
