My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
