I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
