if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Farmville is her only friend.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Pooping to opera.
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