i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
